Ciel's Music Box
by NarakusServant
Summary: Ciel couldn't hold it in any longer. The blueberry misery that rolled off of him was filling the room. And his butler...could almost taste it.
1. Chapter 1

Ciels Music Box.

These characters belong to Yana and I own nothing but this plot. The lyrics are owned by Bruno Mars and his company. I make no money from this story.

Grenade (Bruno mars)

Grenade.

Easy come, easy go  
>That's just how you live, oh<br>Take, take, take it all  
>But you never give<br>Should've known you was trouble  
>From the first kiss<br>Had your eyes wide open  
>Why were they open?<p>

Ciel Phantomhive was walking one of the many long halls in his manor. Something particular was on his mind. Someone. Some… thing. Some….demon. A being with thick black hair and deep red eyes. That eerily feline smile. Those thin arched eyebrows. Those…those… long practiced fingers.

The Earl could remember the first time laying eyes on his new butler. The odd crow had come to him and obeyed his orders. That was back then. Back when Sebastian was a mystery. Back when that demon was fun. When he was nothing but beautiful. Now? Now what was he?

Oh yes, Sebastian was the same as ever. Always a calm butler. Always watching. Always waiting for the next command. But he was not so obedient anymore. Not so quietly contained. Ciel could see it in his eyes. His dark eyes. His hypnotizing… entrancing… lustful eyes. He could see him rallying. Could tell he was tugging, ripping, clawing at the chains that bound him.

And for once in his young life he didn't have to guess what his butler was thinking. He was hungry. And he wanted freedom.

Ciel placed his hand on one of the banisters as he walked down the main stairway. He was wandering aimlessly. Something he didn't do often. Barely ever. Almost never. But he allowed himself this small moment of freedom once in a blue moon.

When was the last time Sebastian had truly given him something without asking for anything in return? To see his care as a butler in any form other than what it was would be plain foolish. No. Ciel would not assume the best of Sebastian. He knew he was just performing his duties as the contract ordered him to.

He was only after his Masters soul. That was all he ever wanted. All he desired from the small boy. Ciel glanced to the left as one of the curtains fluttered against the window pane. As much as Sebastian was doing for Ciel, he was stealing more.

'What else could he possibly want from me?' Ciel tightened his hold on the cane as he continued down another hall.

Sebastian had taken everything from him. Without the demon he was nothing. And. And. And he knew it. Ciel was not used to thinking these types of thoughts. He was a proud Earl after all. Earl Phantomhive! Son of Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive! He was the Queens watch-dog and ran one of the most successful companies in London.

"Young Master." Sebastian bowed with his hand at his waist as always. With that ever-smile on his lips and that glimmer in his eyes. That confident and arrogant attitude leaked from his very pores. "I have prepared tea for you in the study. Would you prefer I bring it outside to the gardens? If I may be so bold as to say, Master, your mind seems elsewhere. Some fresh air might help."

Ciel raised his upper lip in that haughty snarl of his and turned on his heel to head toward his study.

"Learn your place, Sebastian. You are not to speak out of turn." The young boy had, indeed, been bothered. Angry even. Though he shouldn't have been.

And with another humble bow and a grin splintering across his lips he replied to the Earl. 

"Yes, My Lord."

_[Pre-Chorus:]_  
>Gave you all I had<br>And you tossed it in the trash  
>You tossed it in the trash, you did<br>To give me all your love  
>Is all I ever asked<br>Cause what you don't understand  
>Is <p>

Ciel wasn't exactly sure of himself anymore. He was a strong boy. His heart was tough and he could handle any puzzle thrown his way. But there was something he just couldn't put his finger on. His butler. His demon.

No matter how safe he might fool himself into feeling, he knew he was holding a tiger by the tail. Ciel casually licked his finger and turned one of the pages in the book he was reading. Well. One he was pretending to read. In all actuality he was watching his butler out of the corner of his eye.

All he wanted was for Sebastian to act out. To show some sort of emotion for him that he knew wasn't expected of him. To care for him without being forced to.

As Ciel began to mull over his thoughts once again he absentmindedly crossed his left leg over his right. This movement jarred his tea cup and his eyebrow twitched in contemplation. Holding his book in his right hand he reached for his cup and slowly moved it toward his lips. He could smell the sweet citrus and cinnamon invading his senses. Feel the steam gently playing with his cheeks. It was then that his hand "faltered" and the freshly filled tea cup toppled down towards Ciels legs.

Burning liquid sprayed over his thighs and dripped past his knees. Down to his calves. To his shoes. Towards the carpet.

"Ah!"

To say he was annoyed was an understatement. Sebastian was immediately by his side to pamper his master and clean the mess.

"Young Master, is everything alright?" Sebastian pulled a napkin from inside his coat and slowly ran it over Ciel's shin. The napkin was soft against the boy's skin and for a quiet moment he just sat there and let his butler take care of him before shrugging him off and standing up. He set his book on the table and clenched his fists.

"I'm fine, Sebastian. I need a change of clothes." Ciel glanced down at his butler as he sat there on his knees looking right back up at him.

They remained there for a few minutes. Neither one of them saying anything. Neither one of them needing to. He just needed to know. He just had to know. To know if Sebastian would care for him. Would show concern if his skin had become burnt. If his eyes became too tired. If his heart became too weak.

Sebastian smiled up at his lord as he watched him lose himself in his thoughts again. He knew exactly what was on his Masters mind and he wanted nothing to do with it. In fact, he loved the smell of suffering that poured off of him in waves. Ciel didn't know it yet, but Sebastian did. He was in love and the demon had no desire to fan the hot coals. All he wanted was to taint his soul and add a deeper flavour to it. A dark flavour that would coat his tongue. That tickled between his eyes. That tasted like the deep colour in Ciels irises.

"Understood." And with that, Sebastian began to exit the study and walk with the Earl down the hall to get a change of clothes.

_[Chorus:]_  
>I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)<br>Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
>I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)<br>You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
>I would go through all this pain<br>Take a bullet straight through my brain  
>Yes, I would die for you, baby<br>But you won't do the same

The Earl wandered down the hall toward his room. His butler was following him. Always following. Always watching. Always waiting. A knot was forming in the pit of his gut. Sebastian had failed his test. He had not shown general concern for him. It was false. Just a lie. A white one at best. Maybe… maybe not a lie. His butler never lied to him. Not once. He never promised he would care for Ciel. He would only do as a butler would. Only ensure his safety. Only because he had to. Not because he wanted to.

What would Sebastian do if he found out? Found out his sticky tar covered secret? That he was caring for his butler? That he would do more than he should for a servant?

Ciel watched as his butler undressed him. There was nothing unusual about this. No hidden agendas. No lasting touches. No lust coming out from under the bed. This was just Sebastian. This was just Ciel. This was just Sebastian pulling the child's shorts past his knees. Down. Down below his ankles to rest in a hamper near by.

Though the boy was thirteen, he was an infant compared to this millennia old monster. Ciel sat barren on his bed. The last of his clothes removed with his trousers not a moment before. Sebastian turned around to pick out a suitable outfit for his Earl as though it were the beginning of the day for them.

"What would suit you today, Bocchan?" The butler fingered each garment tenderly; unsure of what Ciel would like to wear.

"Green. I wish to wear something green." And with that, his butler pulled out his Masters green attire.

No, no, no, no 

Ciel would never accept what his heart was telling him. He couldn't!

No.

A demon was never to be trusted. Yet here he was. In his room. Turning down his bed for the night.

No.

The day had gone by so fast. Wasn't it only a minute ago he was being changed into his new clothes?

No.

And that was it. Sebastian had bid his Master goodnight. Ciel was tucked in for the night and was laying on his back. Both his eyes staring at the figure walking out of the door. He was leaving the room? Would Sebastian stay if he didn't ask him to?

No.

Black, black, black and blue  
>Beat me 'til I'm numb<br>Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from  
>Mad woman, bad woman<br>That's just what you are  
>Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car<p>

Ciel rarely had nightmares anymore. But when he did, they rattled him. They poisoned his core. His butler was standing there in all his demonic glory. Eyes pink and ablaze. Fangs razor sharp.

_Thwack!_

Another blow to the side of Ciels head. How long could he keep this up? Cuts between his thighs. Red fire down his legs. On the back of his knees. Underneath his toe nails. Snipped webbing between his toes.

What could he do? Nothing. There was no sense in running from a demon. Especially one with whom you have a contract with.

'He will always find me. I can't get away.'

_Plink!_

And another one of his teeth fell to the floor. Blood spewed forth from his gullet. How much had he swallowed? Chunks of his dinner lingered on his hips and down his bare chest.

'It's like I don't have any feelings anymore. Have I gone completely numb? Is this Hell?'

A low chuckle came from the demon in front of him and Sebastian used his long tongue to wrap around one of Ciels left toes and slither down the sole.

"You're more beautiful than ever."

Ciel woke with a start. His chest was heaving and his hair was matted to his head. Those final words echoed between his ears as the dream voice faded. Had he said it? Had Sebastian said it? They flowed down into the back of his mind to where the voice was completely unrecognizable and even the dream began to fade as he realized he was safe in his own bed.

It was then that Sebastian quietly knocked and entered his Masters room. Ciel immediately sat up.

"Bocchan. Is everything alright?" The demons eyebrows furrowed. Concern? Faux sympathy.

"Yes. Just a nightmare."

"I had thought we disposed of your night terrors long ago but clearly the Young Master still has doubts about me. Or perhaps he reads too many frightening books before it is time to rest?" Sebastian lightly teased Ciel in only the way _he_ could.

"Tch. I'm not a child." He closed his eyes and turned his head from Sebastian.

"You will always be young to me." When had the butler gotten so close? Close enough to touch him. Close enough to tilt his head up and make Ciel look him directly in the eyes. "There is nothing in this house that could ever pull you from me. We are bound together…" The demon ran his hand up the side of Ciels face and rested it on the right side. The right side. Next to his eye. His mark was blazing. "until this contract is finished. I will follow you into the bowels of Hell if I need to. Not even God himself could tare you from me. Remember that….Young Master."

Ciel had no words for him. He just watched as Sebastian, again, walked to the doorway and left. Not before leaving a coy smile for Ciel to mull over while he was trying to fall back into a fitless slumber.

'Was… was that a warning? A promise? Perhaps both."

_[Pre-Chorus:]_  
>Gave you all I had<br>And you tossed it in the trash  
>You tossed it in the trash, yes you did<br>To give me all your love  
>Is all I ever asked<br>Cause what you don't understand  
>Is <p>

It was another quiet afternoon at The Phantomhive Mansion. Morning had gone by fast for Ciel. Sebastian had awoken him from a deep sleep and he dressed per usual. He had breakfast and filed a few reports. Signed papers. Had an early meeting. Nothing interesting to speak of. But his mind. His mind was so rattled. He almost had missed everything his client had said over tea. Not that he was important in the first place. No. Not at all. But Ciel had to at least pretend. And he wasn't doing a good job at it.

Ciel had taken his butlers advice from yesterday and decided to take a stroll in the garden. White roses were in bloom and he could see Finny off in the distance trimming bushes and de-weeding various areas as he went about his duties.

Earl Phantomhive sat down in one of the chairs he had put out into the garden for just such an occasion. His cane rested on one of the chairs next to him and he allowed his chin to sit on his hand as he looked over at his mansion.

'We are bound together until this contract is finished.' Sebastian's words danced in his mind. Ciel lifted his head and thumbed his ring. 'What is he really trying to say?'

Yellow birds pranced on the table and pecked at a twig. One ruffled its body and dust spread around its feathers. Ciel narrowed his eye, and watched as one of the downy fluffs flew up and then landed on the cuff of his coat.

'I didn't ask him to stay with me last night. Would he stand by me in the garden even if I didn't ask him to?'

"You must be hungry. Would my Young Master enjoy a snack at this hour?" The butler set a cup of tea on the table and then proceeded to set, in front of the Earl, a small dish of Blancmange.* Not one of Sebastian's best, but he could tell Ciel needed something simple this day. "You didn't touch much of your breakfast this morning and, although I don't wish for you to spoil your dinner, I believe you would benefit from having a little something in your stomach. I'm told sweets may perk up a human's spirit when they are feeling down."

"I _am_ a little hungry." Ciel picked up a spoonful and began to enjoy his dessert. It was sweet and cool and slid down his throat in the most pleasant of ways. "Sebastian…"

"Yes, My Lord?" The demon had his back turned to him as he checked the tea pot. Absentmindedly he thumbed a lace doily and removed invisible specks of dirt as he waited for Ciel to continue.

'Do I ask him to stay here? I've asked him to stay with me at night before; I don't see what's so different about asking him to stay now or even last night.'

"Nothing. Carry on." Ciel waved his hand at his servant. Dismissing him as though he were a fly.

"As you wish." And Sebastian turned to stand by Ciels side to wait for the boy to finish his snack.

When Ciel set his spoon down on the plate, his servant picked up the dishes and set them on the cart.

"Now. If you'll excuse me, I must attend to other matters and prepare for dinner later in the evening."

"Tch." The only outward expression that Ciel was annoyed. Yes. His back was taught. Yes his hands were clenched into fists. Yes. His eyes were closed and his brow was creased. But he would not ask Sebastian to stay. He would never show his weakness.

"Is there something you wish to say? I can most assuredly see that something is bothering you. How could I rid you of your ailment, Bocchan?"

"Have I not told you before to hold your tongue? These matters don't concern a servant."

Sebastian smiled and slowly pushed the cart past Ciel, but not before stopping right behind his chair.

"One would think that The Earl would be kinder to those he is fond of." And with that he was gone. As if he wasn't even there before. Just a ghost. Nothing more.

_[Chorus:]_  
>I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)<br>Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
>I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)<br>You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
>I would go through all this pain<br>Take a bullet straight through my brain  
>Yes, I would die for you, baby<br>But you won't do the same

Ciel was in shock and couldn't concentrate on anything the rest of the day. His dinner was barely touched and he was unresponsive during his bath. His servant did not comment. He knew better than to "speak out of turn".

His Master was in bed and curled up under the covers.

"Goodnight, Bocchan." Sebastian stood at the doorway and had a thought to stay in the room to make sure that Ciel was truly fine. But he squelched the idea. Pressed it beneath his foot. Extinguished it from the fire in his mind. Ciel was a grown boy, right? He could handle himself. After all, he was the one who said he was not a child.

Dreams did not come to Ciel. His mind was too wrapped around the fact that his butler might know what had been going on inside his heart. He laid there under the covers. Sweat rolling down the back of his neck. It was too hot for the blanket he was snuggled up in.

'Exactly how smart is Sebastian? I imagine he is wise beyond my comprehension but still he doesn't seem to understand humans _that_ well. He still doesn't even comprehend our sense of taste. Hm.'

His eyes shifted between his eyelids as he imagined various situations that he and his butler had been in. Various situations in which they _could_ be in. Various situations in which he _wished_ they would be in.

_[Bridge:]_  
>If my body was on fire<br>You would watch me burn down in flames  
>You said you loved me, you're a liar<br>Cause you never ever ever did, baby

He tossed and turned beneath that heavy blanket of his. It was almost soaked through. The sheets clung to his skin and no amount of thrusting, rolling, or kicking could get them off. Suffocating, tightening, hot and sticky. There was nothing Ciel could do in his sleep that would relieve him of his terror. Mumbling half sentences and whole fabrications, he rolled to the side of the bed having no idea how close to the edge he was.

Ciel squirmed as one of the blankets stuck to the back of his knee as he searched for a cool spot on the bed. Sebastian calmly walked into the room when he could hear his master's night-fit.

Candelabra gently clutched in hand, he dutifully approached Ciels bed. Gloved fingertips gently rested on his Masters shoulder. When he didn't stir, Sebastian spoke.

"Young Master? Young Master, you are about to fall off the edge of the bed. Surely you will get a nasty bump."

Still. No response. Nothing but shivering and pools of sweat in the spots Ciel had lain. The butler placed his hand a little more firm on the Earls shoulder. When he, again, didn't stir, he shook him. Lightly. At first. At first he wasn't concerned. At first Ciel was just having a bad dream.

"Young Master. Young Master! You need to wake up now."

Sebastian shook Ciel. His whole body leaning down, the candelabra close to his face. No. Sebastian wasn't thinking. He had no idea when his Master would awaken. Or that it would be in the face of fire.

Ciels eyes opened and all he could see was fire. All that he could think of was that he had to leave. Was his house burning down? Where was Sebastian? Had he abandoned him? Left him for dead? To burn up in these horrid flames?

"Sebastian!" The Earl squirmed in his blankets and his legs fell off of the side but his butler put what he was holding onto the table and grabbed Ciel before he could fall off of the bed.

"I told you, you were going to fall off if you did not wake up, did I not?"

Ciel still wasn't exactly sure where he was or who he was. The thought of fire still in the front of his mind. He wiggled slightly and his butler put him back on the mattress. It was then that the young master had noticed the large sweat spots all over the bed.

"Disgusting. How could you let me sleep like this?"

"My lord, I tried my best to wake you, but you remained asleep."

Ciel pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs like he was ought to do when he felt vulnerable.

"When I saw the fire, I thought the house was burning down again."

"Yes, Bocchan, I know. It was my carelessness that allowed that to happen. I was not think-" Ciel cut him off.

"I was convinced you had left me here to burn." Sebastian's brow furrowed.

"Then why did you call out for me?"

"I knew… if you had decided to leave me that perhaps… you would decide to come back. You said that not even God could tare me away from you. I-" This time it was Sebastians turn to cut him off. Even though it was quite rude and, perhaps, unfit for a butler to do, it was necessary.

"And I was not lying. I don't lie like you humans do. You know that. I have never lied to you and I never will. Now…" Sebastian stuck his hand out for Ciel to take so he could remove the sheets and replace them with new ones. "Let us get you prepared for bed once more."

_[Chorus:]_  
>But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)<br>Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
>I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)<br>You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)

As Ciel cut into his sunny side up egg, he could tell something was off. Just the way his butler was moving that day. Maybe it was the long stride in his step or the way his hands ran over the spines of the books in his room but he knew. He knew.

Sebastian glanced over at his Master and grinned. That sweet almost blueberry smell. It piled up on the top of Ciels head and toppled over to the ground. It crawled across the carpet on crippled wrists. Dug its dagger fingernails into Sebastian's leg and made love to his taste buds; almost there. Barely a claws strike away. 

He knew. Oh yes, he knew. Sebastian could tell from a mile away. He knew this day would come. Knew the child would fall for him. He _was_ a demon after all. Master of gluttony. King of pride. Captain of Sloth. Patriarch of wrath. Commander of envy. Overseer of greed. Chief of lust. How could he _not_ make Ciel fall for him? It was just in his nature.

The butler had no need for his young Master other than his soul. And all he wanted was to taint him; to torture him. Make his veins scream. He had the faintest idea that Ciel would even go out of his way for him. It would be beneath him to ask of such a thing. But to put him in such a situation by a well thought out accident? That sounded completely acceptable.

Though he could allow no harm to him, he would certainly have to see how far his infatuation went. He did have to be careful, though. He knew all too well that when a human slipped into depression they were better off just laid to waste. While it added a delicious spice to his soul, it would become trash should it overpower the dish.

And that's what he decided. He would test Ciel. Gently push him. Coerce him into love. Make him a puppet and_ he_… the puppeteer.

I would go through all this pain  
>Take a bullet straight through my brain<br>Yes I would die for you baby  
>But you won't do the same <p>

Sebastian stood in the kitchen rolling out dough. It puffed between his fingers; lingered beneath his fingernails. Clung to his smooth flour tainted skin. His sleeves were pulled up and he was almost elbow-deep in his work. What would he make his young master today?

Something to _titillate_ the senses. Claw at the tendrils around his heart. Chew on the nerves in the back of his mind. Indeed what serendipitous dish should he thrust upon the Earl in the late afternoon?

Setting the bread dough he was going to use for dinner to the side he began to clean up his mess. Sebastian put his bread-to-be in a bowl and covered it with a flour-dusted cloth. He began to pick up his measuring utensils when he heard a bell ring.

"Ah. I wonder what my Young Master could want at this hour." And in the blink of an eye the kitchen was clean. Not a single thing missing. Not a single thing left out. "A place for everything and everything in its place."

Ciel sat back in his chair and glanced over at Sebastian as he entered.

"Sebastian."

"Yes, Bocchan?"

Ciel crossed one leg over the other as he was ought to do in these types of situations. Seeing that The Queens watch dog was being quiet today he crept closer to the boy. He was so close. He was so close. So close. Stood right beside him. The butler bent down; almost touching cheek to cheek. Just a hairs breath away.

"What could I do for you?" The butlers smile plastered on his smooth, sculpted lips.

"I want something light for dinner tonight."

"I would love nothing more than to prepare something you would take delight in during the evening. Is this all you wished to say?" Sebastian had become cross. What reason could he have to tell him this so early in the morning? There must be something else on his mind.

"Yes. You are free to go about your duties." He waved his hand toward Sebastian as he turned to look out a window.

"Of course, Young Master."

And this time it was Ciel who was angry. Why indeed had he called the butler upstairs? Surely Sebastian would have taken the breakfast dishes away without being summoned. Maybe he didn't have a reason. Maybe he didn't _want_ a reason.

"How curious."

No, you won't do the same  
>You wouldn't do the same<p>

No doubt the day had taken its toll on Ciel already as he signed another document. You wouldn't expect him to be tired by early afternoon but there he was; hunched over and sullen.

'Won't Sebastian be here in a few minutes for tea?'

"Do you feel ill?" The butler waltzed into the room as he often did through different hours to check on his captive.

"Same time as always, I see. You should see Mr. Fallow about my new cane. Wouldn't it have arrived by now unless something has happened?"

"Do you assume that something _did_ happen? The week is not out yet, Bocchan. Same as always I see." Sebastian halfheartedly mocked the boy.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" His cheeks were dusted with the tiniest hint of flamingo pink.

"Whatever you wish for it to mean, Young Master." Sebastian set a tea cup and saucer in front of The Earl.

Ciel frowned and stared into his tea. He could see his reflection and for once in his life, he wished it was someone else staring back at him. Anyone. Anything. Just not his self.

*Blancmange. Basically white pudding! Something you usually doll up with a flower or pink colouring.

**Blancmange**

Ingredients  
>2 cups milk<br>2 egg yolks, beaten  
>23 cup whipping cream  
>12 cup sugar  
>12 tsp vanilla essence  
>2 tbl gelatin dissolved in 23 cup cold water

Method  
>Slowly bring the milk and vanilla essence to the boil then beat in a mixing bowl with the egg yolks. Return to the heat and simmer gently until thickened. Mix in the gelatin mix. Allow to cool slightly then stir into the whipped cream. Pour into a mould and refrigerate until set. Unmould to serve, and decorate with a flower bloom.<p>

Source: Victorian DASH era DOT net SLASH Victorian DASH era DASH authentic DASH dessert DASH recipes SLASH


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Closer by Nine Inch Nails it belongs to their respective company.

Closer

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you  
>You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you<br>Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell  
>Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself<p>

Sebastian closed the door to his master's bedroom. He checked his pocket watch and walked down the hall towards the main stairway. The days seemed to blend together. One minute it was time to raise The Earl for breakfast, another he was cleaning up after dinner. When had time ceased? When had it forgotten its grip on the demon?

It was a shame that nothing was going on for his Master. The Queen had no complaints this past week and no one had tried to kidnap Ciel. No one in his Funtom Company was acting out. Not even Lau or Lizzie had decided to pay them a visit.

To say that Sebastian was bored was an understatement. Ciel usually kept him entertained. Constantly kidnapped. Almost consumed in the river. Associates banging on the door. But nothing. Nothing this week. All he had to focus on was The Earl. And his heart. His comparably newborn heart. His one and only love muscle.

Oh how he wanted to pierce that young boy's chest and peal off his pericardium. Fry it in the hot sun and devour its salty sweet essence. But he wouldn't. He couldn't. He had to ensure the boys safety. But that didn't mean he couldn't toy with him for a while.

When Sebastian finally made it down the stairs he walked to the main door and locked it. Not that he was concerned with burglars or anything of the sort but he knew it gave the rest of the household peace of mind. Not that he cared. No. Not at all. But he knew it was his duty to ease his Master and if locking him in his house with a foul demon from Hell made him feel better, who was he to argue?

The butler walked back up the stairs and made his way back to Ciels bedroom. Would he start tonight? Would he begin The Earls endless torture before he woke for the next morn? Footsteps down the hall. Confident and steady. Yes, Sebastian was sure of it. Tonight would be the night.

Sebastian languidly opened the door to Ciels room. He knew the boy would be asleep, so there was no need for pleasantries. The black clad man stepped through the doorway and smiled at the child. He was laying flat on his back with his head lulled to one side. His one hand resting on his chest, the other on the bed beside him. Light snoring emanated from his small bird lips.

When he had concluded that Ciel was truly in a deep sleep, he closed the door and began the oh so small trek across the room. Stopping at the right side of the bed he leaned down and gazed at the sleeping child. What horrible dreams were plaguing the young Earl tonight? The lemon scent of his nervousness wafted up through the boy's hair and Sebastian couldn't help but inhale.

"Ah, Bocchan, you are so divine."

He smiled and stepped back from Ciel as he noticed him stir.

"Se…Sebastian?" The child opened his eyes and sat up. Covers fell down to his hips. His hair tangled and unruly. Eyes heavy and full of sleep. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I thought to check on you due to the past night when you almost fell out of bed."

Ciels eyes widened and he looked his butler up and down.

"This is quite unusual for you, Sebastian. You and I both know that you do not have to enter my bedroom to check on me. You know how I am at almost all times of the day while being in a completely different part of the house. Why come check on me in the middle of the night?" He glared at the demon.

"Perhaps you are making me too simple-hearted, _young_ master. But it crossed my mind that I might like to be in your presence while you slept." Electric shot through Ciel and he could hardly breathe.

What was he supposed to think? Here he had been almost moping around the house about Sebastian and how he didn't care about him and yet…

He didn't know what to say. He had been shocked into silence and he couldn't even look his butler in the eyes.

And maybe that was a good thing. This way Ciel wouldn't see the glowing demonic energy that Sebastian was almost encompassed in. His bright pink eyes. That fiendish smile. That black cloud that spread throughout the room.

I want to fuck you like an animal  
>I want to feel you from the inside<br>I want to fuck you like an animal  
>My whole existence is flawed<br>You get me closer to god

Ciel woke up with a start and looked around the room. Had he been dreaming? Had Sebastian actually come to spend time with him last night?

"Good morning, Bocchan." The drapes were pulled apart and secured in their rightful places.

The Earl rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and stared at his butler. Had he stayed? Even when Ciel didn't ask him to?

"A dream?" His voice trailed off as light entered the room and filled every crevice. Sebastian smiled and walked over to the side of the bed just as last night.

"No, not a dream." He tilted Ciels chin up with his finger and leaned down. Their lips a hairs breath away. So close. So close he could smell the sweat from last night on the boy. So close Ciel could smell Sebastian's cedar wood and lily scent. "Last night I came to see you to make sure you were not having a night fit and I stayed with you throughout, even now while the dawn breaks."

Ciels eyes searched Sebastians for lies. A break in his voice. A tick in the way his body lay. Nothing. He couldn't tell. And this would be his undoing. How could he compete with a being from Hell? Someone born into lies. Bathed in secrets and melted into deceit.

Sebastians breath passed over the boys lips. Lingered on his skin. The cinnamon odor tickled his senses and he almost wished he could lean up and kiss him. Surely this feeling was absurd. Surely. But he couldn't help it. He could just shift. Just an inch forward. And… just… just…

The butler straightened himself out and pardoned himself to fetch a cup of tea for Ciel.

Ciel clenched his bed sheets. He couldn't understand what possessed him to almost kiss his demon. He had accidentally seen his parents kissing once before but he was much too shy to do something like that. Though… he had indeed just tried.

He was not ignorant by any means. He knew what went on in the bedroom when adults were to be left alone. He knew where children came from and had a fairly good idea how they were made. He was not permitted to kiss Lizzie as that was quite improper of a man and woman to do before they were wed. She was also not allowed to be alone with Ciel in his bedroom unless accompanied by another female, usually Paula.

Not that he wanted to kiss Lizzie in the first place. Or that he _didn't_ want to. But there was no desire except for him to protect her. His cousin was an attractive person and there were no qualms about marrying a relative of that type. At least not yet. But he was cursed. When he finished obtaining his revenge he would give his soul to Sebastian.

How could he marry Lizzie when he knew he would just make her a widower? He saw how she reacted with his Aunt and he had no wish to be responsible for her sadness when he succumbed to the demons hunger.

This was how it should be. Lizzie would not wed Ciel. And he would give his soul to Hell in return for getting his revenge. Lizzie would not have to mourn Ciel the way a married woman would and Ciel wouldn't have to worry about it on the night of his death.

"Young Master, is there something on your mind?" When had Sebastian entered the room? How long had he been there? Obviously long enough to wheel the cart in and prepare tea.

He handed Ciel the tea cup and waited for an answer. But there was nothing. No reprimands, no sarcastic tone. Nothing. Perhaps he had gone too far pushing the boy? He hadn't done much. Just showed up for the night. Just stayed by his side. Just pushed his fears to the side. Surely the boy wasn't so lost in his love-lust that it would break him overnight?

You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings  
>You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything<br>Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell  
>Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else<p>

Ciel wandered the streets with Sebastian quietly carrying boxes and bags behind him. The manor had become too stuffy. Too cramped. Too suffocating. And he had decided to go shopping. There wasn't much he couldn't afford and he wasn't one to spend needlessly but today he just needed to get out. To feel the fresh air on his skin. To hear the busy bustle of the town. To listen to their quiet chatter as he passed by shop after shop after shop.

The Earl made a left and gently pushed open one of the tall doors to a small shop.

"Ah! Earl Phantomhive! What brings you here this quiet afternoon?"

Ciel nodded to the man and stepped up toward the counter.

"I wish to purchase one of these." The boy pointed to one of the boxes of chocolates in the glass case. One of the most expensive treats. One of the most sought after. One of the most delicious.

The large burley man laughed and bent over to pull out the box, his stubby fingers almost completely encasing the item. His large blonde beard hung down to his belly button and his almost completely bald head seemed to shine.

"Of course! Anything for my best customer. If I may, how are things at home?"

Ciel glanced over at Sebastian and back to Mr. Bullen.

"Nothing ever changes." As soon as The shop owner set the wrapped box on the table, The Earl gently picked it up and began to walk out of the shop. Sebastian placed a large sack on the counter and thanked the man as he went to follow his master.

As the butler caught up to Ciel he bent to the left when the boy tossed the package back at the demon. It landed on the top of the stack perfectly and Sebastian didn't miss a step as he continued with The Earl.

They rounded one of the corners and made their way back to the carriage. Sebastian packed the large assortment of gifts and made his way inside with Ciel after telling the driver where to go.

'How uneventful. What was the point in all of this running around?' Sebastian glanced out the window as he mulled over his thoughts.

The truth was that there was no real point. Ciel just desperately needed to get out of the house. He didn't need to explain himself to his servant. No. Not at all. Never. The boy couldn't wait to get home. Not that he was excited to open his gifts. Of course not! But he was looking forward to replacing some older things in the house that no longer tickled his fancy.

And. Most of all. He was looking forward to having a snack before bed. The new chocolates he had bought were his most favourite. It was just a small shop. Nothing fancy. Nothing odd. No one would ever suspect The Earl to shop there, being that it wasn't a very popular or high up store, but it was one of his favourites.

Ciel opened the door to his mansion and made his way to the study. The place he had been spending the most of his time lately. The carriage ride had gone by so fast. It was as if pieces of the day were suddenly vanishing. He knew that Sebastian would take care of the new items that were bought and that everything would go smoothly for a little while.

Ciel ran his fingers over the door knob to his study. He really didn't feel like sitting around. He _was_ a little tired from his shopping trip but he truly had no desire to be alone in a room with his butler. Not that he thought Sebastian would try something. No. Never. Sebastian was a good butler and good butlers never manipulated their Masters. But his mind just wouldn't stop wandering.

Legs entwined beneath silk sheets. Hair clinging to sweat laden foreheads. Claws digging into the others back. The headboard banging and clanging right into the wall. A tea set knocked over and abandoned.

"Tch" Ciel shook his head and finally made his way into his study.

I want to fuck you like an animal

The Earl couldn't keep his mind clear of Sebastian. His white gloved hands fondling the table cloth.

I want to feel you from the inside

The way he tried his best to not mock the earl when he was being carried in his steel arms.

I want to fuck you like an animal

How the butler smiled while when he knew something The Earl didn't. Those white teeth. Those pink eyes.

My whole existence is flawed

The way his hair fell into place when he was teaching Ciel how to dance. How he pressed his glasses above the bridge of his nose.

You get me closer to god 

He wished for nothing more than Sebastian.

Through every forest, above the trees  
>Within my stomach, scraped off my knees<br>I drink the honey inside your hive  
>You are the reason I stay alive<p>

Through everything that they had been through, Ciel couldn't help but want the demon. Every last order, every command followed perfectly. Forest, City, or Church, there was no place the butler wouldn't take him.

Above and beyond, Sebastian wanted nothing more than to age Ciels soul and the only way to do that was to help him achieve his revenge. The ultimate flavor. Trees would crack beneath his knuckles before he would ever allow The Earl to die without stealing his essence first.

Within The Earl there was something so special that it would pit two demons against each other. "My my, young master." Sebastian would say "How do you always manage to get yourself into these situations?"

Stomach taught and empty, Ciel couldn't wait until dinner time. Scraping the last bit of strength he had, he forced himself to not call Sebastian for a snack. Off in the manor, the demon smiled as he listened to the sound of The Earls stomach rumbling.

"My my, young master."

Knees hidden under the desk as he filed papers, the young boy huffed.

"I hardly think it polite to ignore your master's needs." Drinking a cup of tea that Sebastian had left there, he thought out loud.

The butler continued to smile off in the left wing of the mansion as he dusted a bird sculpture.

Honey sweet words whispered in the dead of night. Inside of Ciels study, the boy shook his head trying to shake away the images.

"Your dinner is ready"

Hive-like goose bumps fluttered over his skin and he glanced up at his butler. He stood from his spot behind the desk and began to make his way towards the dining room. There was no escaping his butler. The demon that haunted his dreams. Plagued his room. Stained his heart. Coated his skin.

He knew he couldn't live with him any longer. But he also knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he wouldn't be able to live if he were to leave.

'You are the reason I stay alive.'

Ciel mulled over his thoughts as he sat down at the head of the dinner table. A beautiful plate of food filled with rich colours and deep aromas was set before him. He half heartedly listened to the butler as he was told what was for dinner. The young boy glanced out the window and wondered what lay ahead of him.

Fun Fact: In addition to the ever popular afternoon tea, Victorian families enjoyed gathering together for games in the evenings. Many Victorian games were active and silly, and have since been resigned to only being played by young children. A whole range of 19th century games, in fact, consisted of trying not to laugh. For example, "Poor Pussy" involved one proper Victorian guest having to crawl on all fours amongst the seated company, meowing piteously, and crouching in front of someone who had to respond, "Poor Pussy!" with an absolutely straight face. If either Pussy or the speaker so much as smiled, the latter became the new pussy. If both maintained their composure, Poor Pussy was Poor Pussy indeed, condemned to crawl toward another human in hopes of being relieved of his task.

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	3. Chapter 3

I would like to thank everyone for their kind reviews and favourites and story alerts. I really appreciate what you folk are doing. Thanks again.

-Amber

I do not own the lyrics to this song. It belongs to the respective copy write owner.

Monster - Panzer AG

I am the monster under your bed

Ciel pressed a white napkin to his soft lips. His deep blue eyes scanned the room as he waited for Sebastian to take his plate. Dinner was good. As usual. He had finished almost all of it. As usual. Sebastian was still by his side. As usual.

Everything was so normal yet so… so… abstract. His stomach was tied into knots and his brain was only making it worse.

'He'll never love you. You're not good enough. He's just using you. I'm surprised he even wants your soul. You're so filthy. Spoiled goods. All used up.' The Earl shook his head.

It wasn't _normal_ for him to have such harsh thoughts. It wasn't normal for him to feel so sick all the time. It wasn't normal to love your demon. It wasn't normal to _have_ a demon.

He hated everything. He couldn't concentrate on his revenge. He couldn't concentrate on his studies. He couldn't concentrate on work. He figured that, even if The Queen walked through his door, he wouldn't be able to concentrate on what she had to say.

Sure! He'd nod when they finished their sentences. Sure! He'd respond when they would as a question. Of course! He'd shake their hand and ask them to come for tea again. But by the end of the day he could hardly recall who he had seen, if anyone.

Ciel was in no mood to sleep. Not that he was going to bed soon anyway. But it was still in the back of his mind. He would lay there. He would lay there and think. Think about nothing. Think about everything. Not that his butler was anything, of course. But as of late he was becoming nothing but his everything.

He knew. Oh yes he knew. He would pull the covers to his chin. Bite his bottom lip. And wait. Oh how he waited. Oh how he wished. And hoped. And dreamt. And yearned. And Desired.

How he desired. More than anything he desired. Not anything in particular. Just everything. Just everything from Sebastian. His words. His caress. The sound he makes when he enters a room. The way he looks when he's fixing the garden in the hot afternoon sun. The way he hoped he would taste. Like raspberry tart. That faint lily smell when he reaches his arm past Ciels face to grasp a tea cup.

The Earl raised his lip in a snarl as he thought about his "bedtime". Maybe this time Sebastian would stay. Maybe this time he would sit by Ciel and wait for him to sleep peacefully. Would will him to fight his night terrors away. Back into their cellar. Their putrid real where they hold no power over him.

His butler could do that, right? Fight the demons that sleep in his head at night? That make visions of blood? Of fear and of plucked finger nails? Ripped eyelids. Shaved tongues. Surely Sebastian could allow him one night of peaceful sleep?

The young boy dared not ask. He would never do such a thing. He _would_ hope though. Hope to wake up in the middle of the night and see that man parched beside his bed. Hope for his servant to want him as he wanted. Desire him as he desired. Love him as he loved.

Sebastian had learned by now to not say anything, even when Ciel had made an outward reaction to his inner thoughts lest he be reprimanded once more. The butler knew all too well that The Earl was thinking of him. He could smell it. Taste it. Feel it. That curled lip. Those half lidded eyes. That tensing in his thighs.

And he did nothing. There was nothing for him to do. All he had wanted to do was done.

A creature with meat, a blood sucking creep

The butler couldn't help it. It was just in his nature. To connive. To manipulate. To Cheat. Scheme. Feign. Steal. So it was completely normal for him to desire Ciel in the deepest of ways. No. Not the way the young master wanted him to. But perhaps in a way, likened, to it.

He wished for _nothing_ more than to devour him. Wear his skin. Plunge his tongue into that mouth and pluck those teeth. Longed for his scent and the way he would smell with his blood staining the backs of his knees. Dripping down his scalp. Hoped for the day when he could snap his bones in two and inhale the dust that would flutter so delicately in the air.

Sebastian was _nothing_ but a monster. He could never love Ciel. No. Not in the way he wanted him to. There was no changing it. No way that the boy could mould his feelings. No way that he could change his mind. Turn his heart. Win him over. Not if he resisted his temptations. Nor if he gave in. He was just another soul. Just another meal. Indeed he was special. A special type of meal. But _just _a meal. And _only_ a meal.

His inner demon thought _nothing_ of it! Of tricking the boy. Of twisting his little heart. Of listening to the sound of misery dripping. Leaking. Oozing out of his organs. Rising to his skin and smothering his insides.

Ciels servant couldn't wait until it was bed time for the little one. What would he do tonight? Sneak into the room and surprise him with sweet words? His voice rolling and tumbling like slow pouring honey. Tell him thought provoking stories of his past as the boy fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time in months?

Indeed. What would he do tonight? He was so excited. So excited he was sure he would burst as soon as Ciel's eyes start to get droopy.

I feed on little children, I molest you when you sleep

Had time skipped? Had it just jumped from one place to another? Ciel just wanted to sign one more paper. Read one more book. File one more thing away. Anything to keep from going to bed. But there _he_ was. That black clad man. Haunting him in the center of the room. His hand over his heart. That inky smile on his face.

"I'm afraid it is time for you to rest now, Young Master."

"Come back later. I am not finished with this paper."

"As your butler and caretaker I must inform you that if you do not get the proper amount of sleep per night, you will take ill."

"I don't care. Fetch for me later."

"It is quite late already, Bocchan. If you would behave as a child, I would carry you as one."

Ciel stared at the butler and they were locked. Frozen in time once more. For how long? The child would never know. It was, perhaps, only minutes but it was as if a lifetime had already passed. He couldn't bear to think about how _long_ he would live if Sebastian weren't to take his soul.

The walk down the hall seemed to take eternities. Countless ones. Hundreds. Thousands. A hundred thousands. The gentle footsteps on the carpet. The clinking of Sebastians pocket watch. The closed curtains, trying to hide the fact that it was, indeed, dark outside.

"Allow me." Another grin as the butler opened the door to Ciels bedroom.

'How many times is he going to grin like that?' A hundred times. A thousand times. A… hundred thousand more times.

The child. The boy. The barely grown male stood in front of the butler. Right next to the bed. Standing between the dresser and the place where he lays his head at night. Sebastian wedged between them. Pulling Ciel's neck tie and letting it fall to the floor. Fluttering. Fleeting. Unbuttoning his vest.

One…

Two…

Three…

How many more?

Four…

Five…

The demon placed his hands on the child. The infant. The sheep. His meat. And slid the material off of his shoulders. Down his upper arm. Over the elbow. Sliding. Gliding across his wrist. Tickling his fingers.

"Please raise your arms, Young Master."

For once, Ciel did as he was told. His arms were held high in the air and Sebastian tugged his shirt out of his shorts. His nails gently brushed the tender skin at his tummy as he reached for the seam of the cotton material. The man's knuckles tickled up the boys sides. Over his chest. High above his head. The sleeves clung to Ciels arms, not wanting to let go just yet.

There was nothing erotic about this. Nothing at all. No. This was just Sebastian undressing his meal. This was just the sheep doing exactly as told. _Exactly_ as told.

Sebastian reached for the buttons on the child's shorts.

One…

Two…

He gently, oh so gently, tenderly, _lovingly_ wrestled Ciels shorts off, along with his cotton underwear. His legs were so thin. So lithe. The butler didn't have to slide these down as he did the shirt but he longed to.

"Buffoon."

It was all too late that Sebastian had realized he completely forgot to take his Masters shoes off.

"My my. How silly of me. I must have had something on my mind." A jab at Ciel. It hadn't gone unnoticed. The lad decided not to say anything on it.

The demon set himself on his knee and waited for the boy to sit back on the bed. He softly situated his meals foot forward. Cupping his calf. Running his hand over the ankle to tug at the shoe.

Pop.

It came right off with ease. The false human set his boys foot back down and went after the other shoe. Continuing on the right foot his long spider fingers trailed up the boy's leg and unbuttoned the boys strap to take off his socks.

The right leg.

Pink.

The left leg.

Pink.

The socks were immediately removed, along with the rest of Ciels clothing. And there he sat. Completely naked. Bare to the world. Goosebumps rising on his skin. A chill eating away at the base of his spine.

Sebastian rose to his full height once more after looking up at the boy. His lips a hairs breath away from Ciels knee.

"Well then…. This looks appropriate for tonight."

The servant said as he pulled a night shirt from a dresser. He turned back to the child and watched as he looked at the garment.

"You arms….young master."

Ciel raised his arms for the final time and waited for him to slide his night clothes over him. Exactly as told. And with that the demon watched his master crawl under the covers. The boy was watching him so intently. He thought perhaps he would speak and surprise him with his words. Admit his love. Admit his admiration. His lust. His desire. His ever-wanting.

But no. He didn't. And Sebastian didn't ask him to. He merely rolled over onto his left side and pretended to sleep. The fiend from hell smiled and stood by the bed waiting for his master to finally sleep.

I'm the monster in the water when you're swimming out too deep

Whether Ciel knew he was standing there or not, he didn't make any inclination towards him. He was in a deep sleep and it was almost… almost… almost sweet. Cute in a way. If you could call your dinner cute. Just the way it was before it was slaughtered. Torn limb from limb.

He was swimming. Teal hair clung to his forehead. Little lungs gasping for hair. It wasn't that he couldn't swim. No, he was an excellent swimmer. It was the waves crashing, tumbling him over and over beneath the sea.

Deep sea creatures coming up to the surface to find the fresh meat. Bite his ankles. Nibble his kneecaps. Gnaw on his hips.

There was nothing he could do. No one he could call out for. No. No one. A rumbling down below him was unnerving him. Something he could feel in the pit of his stomach. In his bones. Between his veins. What was that? And again! It was as if the whole sea would collapse in on itself. As if it were vibrating. As if Hell was ripping through the earth. Clawing at the salt, mingling within the water.

Dark clouds rumbled above him. Rusty air forced its way into his lungs. And then. They tumbled. The clouds. The clouds descended on him. They chased after him. Smothered him. Pressed his chest. Sunk between his ears. Clasped his eye balls. Squirmed under his tongue. Molested him in every sense.

And he had no one he could call. There was no black clad man to pull him from the liquid depths. No butler to lift him and dry him off. No demon to save him from his death. No one. No one could help him.

And he hated it. He was helpless in all aspects. He thought to just let go. To end it all and let the sea take him. Allow his body to bloat. His skin to break apart.

There it was again. That rumbling. That deep roar he could almost feel in his heart. And suddenly. Suddenly. The sea was becoming warm. He could feel it in his feet. His knees. His stomach. All the way up to his shoulders. The clouds dissipated and the water began to calm. He was no longer being tossed or turned or tumbled. Everything seemed to have relaxed.

Ciel looked to his left and to his right. It just… didn't feel like it should. The sea was so odd. So… so… purple? He was so relaxed. The gentle water helped to ease his straining muscles and he wasn't so desperate for death. But… the way the water was changing colours disturbed him.

It was then that he could feel it. The temperature was rising. Rising. Rising still. And the sea was changing from purple to a dark pink. The more it changed the hotter it got. Ciel frantically tried to jump out of the water. To swim in any direction he could where land might be. But it didn't stop.

Steam rose out of the water and it continued to turn. Dark red and already he was at a rolling boil. It had all happened to fast! What was he to do? Would he have preferred it return to a frozen windstorm? Clouds choking him and turning him blue?

Perhaps. His skin blistered and he couldn't bear it any longer. He screamed loud. Louder than he had ever thought possible. He was _really_ in some hot water now. There was no escaping his death. There was no escape. Ever. Never. Never ever.

His fists began to clench. His arms and legs curling toward his body. He couldn't swim. He couldn't move. Ciel laid there in the fetal position. His body was sinking. And he was resigned to screaming in his mind as his brain slowly cooked.

I know all your dirty secrets, and I love the way you smell

"It's time to wake up, Young Master. This morning we will be having poached eggs, ham, sprats* and your choice of toast, scone or a roll."

Ciels eyes shot open and he looked around the room and noticed his butler pouring his favourite tea in front of him. It was then that Sebastian's earlier question had finally sunk in and he answered.

"Toast."

He hardly thought ham and sprats went well together but he figured he could pick it out and push it to the side if he truly disliked it.

Sebastian handed the teacup and saucer to his master, knowing all too well about his night terror. Not exactly what was in it. But that he had had one. He had screamed all night long and the demon had devoured every single one. All of the child's terror buried itself deep in the butler's belly. The scent of his fright still stinging the gums between his canines. He could hardly contain himself.

The way it lingered on Ciels bed, wiggled itself between the sheets. Spread out over the wallpaper. The way it wrapped around Sebastians fingertips and teased his nostrils with its almost ginger root smell. How it bit at his cheeks, clawed at his back, tugged at his ear lobes.

He never wanted it to end. He wanted to close the curtain and lock the door. Let the scent become stale and thick in the air. Just wanted to bathe in it. Drink it always.

Sebastian pushed the cart he had brought up to one side and waited for Ciel to fully wake up.

"You have an open schedule this morning and afternoon. Shall we do something special?"

"Such as?" Ciel raised his eye brow.

"Oh, I had nothing in particular in mind. I perhaps thought I would plant a seed and let it grow."

"How foolish" How foolish _indeed_. Sebastian stole a glance at the boy and watched as he looked to the side.

The young boy shifted his legs beneath the blankets and took another sip of tea. His now apple scented nervousness wafted toward Sebastian and he could feel his mouth water.

How foolish.

I'll give you a ride, through blood and homicide

All Sebastian wanted to do was drag this boy through endless misery. Pour his skin into a vat and gargle with it. Iron his brain. Melt it into a thin pancake. Suck it between his teeth. Use his cartilage as toothpicks.

There was nothing more satisfying than seeing his captive's big blue eyes swelling with fear. Watching his skin taint black and blue. Beautiful decorations of hunger. Observing blood pour out of his mouth.. Listening to his hair rip at the scalp. Feeling the tremble in Ciel's weak legs as he plucked the boy from the ground after noticing that he's too tired to walk any longer.

He couldn't wait. He couldn't wait to take the boys soul. He couldn't wait for it to rot and bake in his captives cavity. To suck it out through Ciels clover lips. Feel his captive's life escape him. Watch as the very last bit of who he is escape through his eyes.

You know we're going to hell

There was no escaping it. The young master would never be accepted into heaven. No matter how much he begged. Repented for his sins. If he spent the last of his days in a church. If he himself became a priest. There was no saving his soul. Even if he plucked his own eye. He had no chance. He was tarnished. Marked for everlasting suffering. And Sebastian wouldn't have it any other way.

(Shh) It's okay, it's just me

Sebastian watched as Ciel got lost in his thoughts again. His eyes glazed over and he was terribly still. His breathing was slow and deliberate. The butler noticed that his captive had finished his tea and was simply holding onto the cup for comfort. Or… perhaps just out of habit. Whichever it was, the demon didn't really care for. He knew he had to get the dishes to the kitchen and begin cleaning the house. He gently reached out his hand and grabbed a hold of the saucer.

"Oh! … Tch. You do not grab things out of people's hands, Sebastian." Ciel glared at Sebastian for startling him.

"I beg your pardon, _Young Master_. I simply meant to begin today's errands."

He was silent. The boy sighed and looked away. It was just too early to argue and he had almost no energy from last nights terror.

"I will return to dress you once you have settled for the morning and I put the dishes away."

It was quite unusual for Sebastian to leave him like this. Quite un-butlery. Quite.

(Shh) It's okay, it's just me

Ciel walked one of the long halls in his mansion as he had found himself doing a lot of this past month. He tugged at one of his jacket sleeves. He also tugged his white shirt so you could see the elegant detailing and scalloping. So focused on trying to spiffy himself up he hardly noticed the door to the library opening.

"Oh! Sebastian. Do not wildly swing the doors open in my house. You could break something."

"Yes, My Lord. My apologies. I just thought to dust the books this morning." The butler bowed at the waist with a smile tickling at his lips.

I'm the monster in your closet

The young boy decided to take a walk to his study and to try to avoid the butler. He had been popping in and out of all sorts of different places today. It was as if he were trying to startle him. How horrid! What if his heart gave out?

Ciel looked at the various pictures and different vases he had decorated around the hall. Noticing one vase in particular that he had recently bought. He paused at the third window and ran his hand over the hard wooden door.

He let it travel down towards the handle and could feel the small grains beneath his fingertips. Opening the door he looked around the room and concluded that Sebastian hadn't made it to this part of the manor yet. The young Earl closed the door and proceeded to walk to his desk and relax in his favourite chair.

"Would you like another cup of tea?" Ciel jumped and turned in his chair.

"No. Why are you here?"

"Why, I always clean your study every day. It's the last room on my list. I leave it in case The Young Master would like some time alone while I clean the rest of the mansion." Sebastian placed a large map in the closet to stow it away for a day The Earl might need it. "I'm afraid these are your orders. To clean the mansion is my job. Every day, weather it needs it or not."

"Yes, I know. Just… just stand there to the side. And don't move. Don't make a noise. Just stand there." Sebastian raised his eyebrow at the boy but bowed to him.

"Yes, My Lord." And he did just that. Stood right by the closet and watched his captive return to his comfortable position at the desk.

I am the shadow in the dark

Ciel couldn't concentrate. Though Sebastian always was around, he was never so… so… obviously around. He was a looming type of creature. One to stand back and observe. Observe for minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Watching. Waiting for something, anything to happen.

But right now? Right now he was just… just standing there. Just so… quietly standing to the side. There was no "looming in the darkness" there was no tea set gently clinging together being brought down the hall. No sound of the feather duster as it ran over the shelves. No click and clack of his pocket watch beating against his jacket.

It was... It was… nerve-wracking. He couldn't stand it. He hated it. With every fiber in his body.

"You can return to your work, just do not bother me while I read."

And with that… with that… everything was back to normal. As if life itself had restarted.

Because of me, you stay in your house at night

Ciel tried his best not to think about Sebastian any longer. Though he did pop up in his head. Sometimes… constantly. But he just couldn't help it. The way he locked everything up at night. How he took such tender care to make sure every window was shut tight and every lock in place. How he checked every door. How he paraded the house in search of intruders. How he walked by Ciels door to check on him.

One might think being locked up with a demon would be a horrible fait thrust only upon a person who committed nothing but the darkest of sins. But the boy couldn't sleep without knowing Sebastian was there. Was listening for anything to stir. Was waiting for anything to even unknowingly creep up onto The Earls lands.

It was almost as if he truly cared for the boy's safety. Almost.

I am the creature, hiding in the park

The young Earl turned one of the pages in a book he had picked up earlier. He liked to pretend he was reading. Not to fool others, but to fool himself. He knew quite well he wasn't half way into his book. But he did know he was half way into a fantasy about his butler.

Traveling to some distant land. Off to some place where they wouldn't be bothered with trivial chivalry, ballroom dancing, courting, businesses. None of it. A place where it would just be he and Sebastian. Not a person in sight. No small children, no Scotland Yard, no Queen, no Brittan. Just Sebastian. Just Ciel.

There was nothing more he could ever ask for. But he would never. Not ever. He knew his place. He is to get his revenge and hand over his soul. Not spend eternity with Sebastian. Not confess his love. Not gaze into each others eyes. No. None of it.

Ciel looked over at Sebastian as he bent over to pick up a piece of trash. Their eyes met. Bright pink and deep blue clashed.

It would never be what he wanted but maybe… maybe this was good enough.

This unique Victorian craft is taken from "Scientific American Supplement No. 483" published in New York, April 4, 1885.

Victorian Craft - Making Silhouette Portraits

A silhouette portrait of a loved one makes a wonderful keepsake.

Take a large sheet of paper, black on one site and white on the other, and affix it to the wall, white surface outward, by means of pins or tacks or tape. Place a very bright light upon the table, at a proper distance, and allow the person whose portrait it is desired to form to stand between it and the wall. Then, with a pencil, draw the outlines of the shadow projected.

While this is being done, it is very necessary that the subject shall keep perfectly immovable. When the outlines are sketched, remove the paper from the wall and cut out the portrait. After this, all that remains to be done is to turn the portrait over and paste it to a sheet of white paper. The silhouette is profiled in black, and if the operation be skillfully performed, the resemblance will be perfect. -La Nature

http (COLON) (SLASH) (SLASH) www (DOT) homemade (DASH) dessert (DASH) recipes (DOT) com (SLASH) victorian (DASH) crafts (DOT) html

*A small marine fish (Sprattus and other genera) of the herring family, widely caught for food and fish products. Similar to a sardine.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everyone! Coming soon updates will begin to slow. More information will be at the bottom of the page if you're interested.

Lonely - System of a down I own nothing and Lonely belongs to SOD

Such a lonely day  
>And it's mine<br>The most loneliest day of my life

Ciel thumbed his ring. What was there for him to do? Nothing. You can't make someone love you. No matter how much you try. Beg. Kick. Thrash. Scream. Connive. Lie. Steal. Kill.

'Nothing will make him love you.' His mind echoed at him. His heart was sinking. Breaking. Wilting. Withering away.

No amount of sun would repair it. No amount of water quench its endless thirst. No music to lift its spirits. Nothing. No. Not now. Not ever.

And maybe he was okay with that. How couldn't he be? There was no way to win. No point in trying. Whether or not he would get down and prostrate himself in front of the demon, nor if he lay belly up on the dinner table would matter.

Perhaps Sebastian, indeed, would ravish him. Bite his skin. Let his saliva trickle down between his shoulder blades. Yes he might draw blood from his lips, pull his hair, devour his young senses. But there would be no affection. No lingering love in the air. No fire trailing down his ribs. No. There would be no filling sensation after his butler pumped his essence deep into the boy. No satisfying sleep after their romping. No. Nothing.

No.

Nothing.

Not now.

Not ever.

And yet. Ciel couldn't help it but want. Desire everything from his servant. He was human. And humans are a selfish abomination. He didn't care if Sebastian pulled the skin from his bones. Slurped his veins and used his cartilage as butter. Use his eyelashes as garnishes. Nostrils as seasoning. As long as the demon wanted him. Wanted his body. Wanted his soul. He wasn't completely useless. He wasn't invisible. Someone he wanted, wanted him back.

Sure it hurt him. He wished ice would rain down from The Heavens and pierce his eyes so he would never have to see that thing smile again. Cut his ear drums so he'd never listen to him whisper in the dark. Slice his tongue, rip his lips apart. He hated to utter the demons name ever so much.

Truly this demon was a plague. And Ciel was infected. Polluted. Contaminated. All wasn't lost though. He was set aside. Isolated. Quarantined. He was on lockdown in his mind and there was no way he could escape. There is no cure for a broken heart. No vaccine for suffering. No salve. No injection. No tonic.

No.

Nothing.

Ciel pressed his cane into the grass beneath him. He had decided to take a walk through his gardens and had ended up in the woods. He had nothing to fear. Sure, maybe men would swarm around him, bursting through the bushed, climbing down trees. Doing anything in their power to wring their hands around his neck. Sure. Alright. That was fine with the boy.

He dared them. Dared anything to come for him. Wished God would strike him down. Begged for Satan to rise up and steal his essence. But he knew. He knew it wouldn't happen. Nothing would happen to him while he was under Sebastian's protection. And… in a way… he liked it.

While he, indeed, wished for his suffering to end, he was growing accustomed to it. Almost looked forward to it, enjoyed the tingling sensations of regret in the back of his eyes as he fell asleep. The chill that crept up his back and played with his ears as he woke up in the morning.

'Good morning, Young Master.' He would say. And Ciel couldn't help but smirk.

Yes he wished for death on more than one occasion a day, but he would fight harder than he had ever fought before to stay by Sebastian's side. He was one hell of a contradiction.

The boy gripped his cane and stopped where he was. He pressed it harder… harder… even harder into the ground until it pierced the earths flesh. Tainted the polished wood with soil. Pressed it! Pressed it further still! Deeper and deeper it sunk. Deeper… deeper. He placed both of his hands on top of the rounded golden top and used all of his strength to force his cane into the ground.

Snap!

Ciel fell to the ground as the cane broke in half. Dirt stained his knees and green clung to his clothes.

"Tch. Stupid grass." The boy sat up on his rump and looked around.

Blue sky had faded to grey and a chill was in the air. He could smell the roses in the garden back at his mansion so he knew he hadn't walked too far away. Not that it mattered. He was a capable boy and could handle himself on his own… right?

Rain dusted the area and Ciel sniffled, feeling his cheeks chill. Maybe this was a sign. A small chance to slip away from life. He could just curl up under a bush and escape everything.

'Don't be foolish.' His inner thoughts told him. 'Sebastian would find you. Why are you acting so weak? You are an Earl! The Queens Watchdog! Nothing will ever stand in your way!'

Rallied by his small speech he began to make his short trek back to the mansion. Using the sweet smell of the roses Ciel made a right through an overgrown path. The rain had become heavy and cumbersome at this point. His clothes clung to his body and they were heavy. He wished he could just discard them and not have to worry about being a gentleman. But if a lady were to pass by, her delicate sensibilities would be hurt. And he would be cast out of the upper class for sure.

His chest heaved and he realized he had been more tired than he realized. The boy rubbed his eyes and could see the faint traces of gates in the distance.

'Finally.'

Mud sucked his shoes off of his feet but still he continued on.

'It's just a little rain. Why am I having such difficulty getting home?'

Stones pricked at the soft underbelly of his feet. Thorny bushes tugged his clothes and made him irate.

"Stop it! Let go!" The boy pulled his coat from the bushes and put it back on himself as dignified as he could. Holes lingered up his arms and at his shirt cuffs.

The Earl crept closer and closer to his mansion. Rain battled him left and right. Mud covered him up to his thighs and he was soaked through. Even his fingers had become pruned.

He grasped the gates and slid down the sides.

"We were waiting for you. Where had you gone off to at this hour?"

Ciel looked up and could see his butler looking down at him, no smile creeping across his face. His brows were furrowed and he looked… he looked… almost angry.

"Were you worried for me? I'd think if I were truly an important meal to you, that you would know where I was at all times."

This time, the demon did smile. As he always did. At every conversation. Every outburst. Every tea time. Every bed time.

"Oh forgive me, Young Master, but I did know where you were. I was just looking for an explanation as to what made you run off without telling me."

The boy picked himself up off of the ground and looked Sebastian right in the eye.

"You forget your place more often than not. I am Earl Phantomhive. I do not need to tell anyone where I am going, not even The Queen. And you, you should have not let me get to this state. As a Phantomhive butler, your duty is to me and making sure that I have the utmost care is your number one priority. You are failing, Sebastian."

It was this time that the butler outright chuckled.

"My my, you are quite feisty tonight. I apologize for failing my duties as a Phantomhive butler. I thought that, perhaps, you are an Earl and the head of this household and, as such, could take care of yourself for a mere hour or so."

Ciel glared at the tall man, reached through the bars and smacked him.

Rain continued to pour.

Such a lonely day  
>Should be banned<br>It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life  
>The most loneliest day of my life <p>

The boy thumbed his ring again as he waited for Sebastian to exit the room with the dirtied dishes. He stared down at the tablecloth and searched for any stains he knew wouldn't be there. The butler hadn't said a word to him since earlier. He knew the demon couldn't possibly be mad… could he?

No.

Never.

In all actuality Sebastian was almost giddy inside. He loved pulling emotions from Ciel and if getting a slap in return was what he received it was all the more reason to keep going.

To watch anger glisten over the boys eyes and see anguish cross his lips was orgasmic. The butler could almost feel shivers run up his spine.

Ciel was dying inside. Every day the sun would rise, every time moonlight streamed through his curtains. He could feel it. His organs rotting. His ribs turning to mush.

He just wished, oh how he wished, for something. Anything. His life was becoming boring. All there was and all there ever would be was misery. And it was so horribly, endlessly, boring.

His brain had gotten used to thinking a million thoughts at once. He could never relax. Sleep was a luxury and he could feel his lower back learn new knots. His eyes were always heavy and he felt as though he were walking in sand. His body never wanted to move the way he wanted and his thoughts never stayed where he wanted them to.

This was a fait worse than death and he had no idea how to handle it. There were no parents to run to. No doting aunt to question. No texts he could confront. He was on his own. All alone. Quarantined. Stuck in solitary confinement.

Such a lonely day  
>Shouldn't exist<br>It's a day that I'll never miss  
>Such a lonely day<br>And it's mine  
>The most loneliest day of my life<p>

And even though Ciel could feel himself falling, spiraling down into never ending misery, he knew this was his doing. It was his. And his alone. He created this and he would endure it.

If he could realize this, then maybe he could control it. Mold it to what he wanted it to be. Use it to his advantage. Harvest its power. Make himself The Master of his own heart. Of his own mind. And keep it from running rampant.

He knew he shouldn't act the way he was. To lie sullenly around the house. Mope in the gardens. Sigh at the sun. This was womanly behavior and Ciel was anything but that!

No. This was unacceptable. Ciel would not falter. He would not lose. Not ever. Not even to a demon straight from Hell. Even if Sebastian were to come right up to him and… and… and were to kiss him.

Tell him that he loved him. Tell him… tell him… that there was nothing left to worry about. That he enjoyed the boy for more reasons than his soul. Liked his passion. Smiled at his personality.

Yes.

Even if.

Even if Sebastian were to say these things. Even if he were to, Ciel would stand his ground. This was his loneliness, not Sebastians. This was his broken heart. These are his torn insides. His emptiness. His darkness. His blueberry misery. It was his. His and no one else's.

Ciel stood from his chair in the dining room and went to his bedroom. He didn't need Sebastian for anything, right? He could do everything on his own, right? And so that's what he did.

Sebastian walked the long hall to his masters bedroom. He realized that there had been a change in the boy. Had he rallied against him? Was he losing control of the boy? This would simply not do.

No.

Not at all.

The demon needed to take hold of the boy. Render him helpless. Make him beg for him. He opened the door and stared into the dark room. He smiled and allowed himself to step in and close the door. Lifting the candelabra higher, he could get a better idea of what had gone on.

A dresser was left ajar and the sheets were tussled over the bed. One of the hampers lay on its side. Two brown shoes had been stuffed almost under the bed and a sleeping boy lay in the center of said bed.

Clearly he had undressed and dressed himself for the night. And he had decided when he wanted to go to bed.

'Maybe this is his way of trying to gain control of the situation, how interesting'

Sebastian crept closer to The Earls bed and adjusted the sheets. Gently tucking Ciel in so he would keep warm.

"Sleep well… Young Master."

And with that, the butler exited the room. 

And if you go, I wanna go with you  
>And if you die, I wanna die with you<br>Take your hand and walk away

The young boy tossed and turned in his bed. Of course. Of course he would be wrapped up in another nightmare. Of course it was about the butler. Of course he was winning.

He wouldn't let the demon take control. No, not this time. Those long skilled fingers wouldn't brush his thighs. And they certainly wouldn't dance over his chest. Most assuredly not run through his thick hair.

No.

Not ever.

He struggled in Sebastians arms. Bit at his long tongue. Stuck his thumbs in the demons irises. He did everything. Everything in his power. Forced his small body to fight back against this ancient being from hell. The timeless being. The endless nightmare that was his caretaker.

He clawed at the mans skin. Tore at his nose. Gnawed on his fingers. But… but… it was all in vain. The being laughed. He laughed! This was just foreplay to him.

"Bite my tongue? Gauge my eyes? How delightful. More, little one! What else are you capable of?"

The dream Sebastian picked Ciel up by his middle toe. He could hear the click and pop as it dislocated and the human twisted and rallied.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

He liked to pretend that he had power. He had even dressed himself for bed that night. But it was nothing. Nothing compared to what this demon had over him.

The control. The power. The endless darkness that surrounded him was suffocating. It was bitter and grainy. As if he had eaten a cocoa bean. His heart was fluttering and he didn't know what to do. The demon in front of him laughed and bared his fangs.

Ciel twisted and whaled until he finally was able to grab a hold of the demons arm and bite into it. Sweet blood poured into his mouth and he spat it onto the ground. The Sebastian in front of him squeezed the small puncture and his eyes sparkled when he saw more of his life's liquid seep out.

He was helpless. Just a small child. His small moment of control was lost. The single thread of sanity he had held onto was snipped and he realized, with absolute certainty, that there really was no hope left.

The boy shifted in his covers and cracked open his right eye. He stretched and looked around the room and wasn't at all surprised when he saw that Sebastian was waiting with tea for him.

The room had been tidied up and to any normal person there was nothing unusual about the situation.

No.

Nothing at all.

"Good morning, Young Master. Today's tea is…"

His voice faded into the background as Ciel got lost in thought. He knew Sebastian was speaking. Knew he would ask him what he wanted for breakfast. Tell him what he was to do today but… but… he couldn't take his eyes off of him.

The boy was just lost. His eyes were dull and he couldn't focus on anything but the demons lips. The way his hips swayed when he walked. How his fingers folded the napkins.

Everything was… was… too perfect. He hated it, but deep down, somewhere in there, he wouldn't have it any other way. He was an emotional wreck. Just yesterday he had sworn he wouldn't love the demon. Earlier that day he could hardly function due to his love sickness. And now? Now he was just floating on cloud nine.

Caught up in the demons glory. He was stricken with Cupid's arrow. Stuck in the timeline that was love. And he couldn't do anything about it. And… and… he was okay with that. Perhaps in a few hours he would hate Sebastian. Perhaps in a few more hours he would pray for death. But right now? Right now all he wanted was to be wrapped up under the covers with the demon.

Legs entwined, sweat lingering on the backs of their necks. Breath still heavy. All he wanted. All he ever wanted.

'I care about you. He would say. I need you in my life, Ciel. He would say. And then… he would… he would…'

"Would you like to enlighten me as to what your thoughts are?" The boy snapped back into reality.

"Nothing that would concern a servant like you."

Ciel sipped on the cup of tea that he realized he had taken from Sebastian while he was lost in thought.

'It's good.' The boy closed his eyes and took another sip.

The most loneliest day of my life  
>The most loneliest day of my life<br>The most loneliest day of my life  
>Life<p>

Ciel stared outside through the window in his study. Yellow birds played in their bath, Finny trimmed the bushes and the sun was high in the sky. The world had continued to move on regardless of the boy's inner turmoil.

And he was okay with it. He knew Sebastian only wanted him for his soul. Maybe even his body. But it was okay. Maybe he couldn't convince him to love him. Maybe he couldn't convince Sebastian that there is such a thing as love. But he would try. And if he failed? It was fine. Because in the end Ciel still got to have Sebastian for a little while.

Sure he was lonely. Sure he might hurt on the inside a little bit. But this was his life now. He was going to be fine and he would be able to wake up in the morning, and face his butler. Smile and all.

He could feel it. Just feel it in his bones. That everything was going to be okay. He had faced inner demons and came out on top. It didn't matter how he might feel a few hours from now. All that mattered was now.

"Is there something I could get for you… Young Master?"

Such a lonely day  
>And it's mine<br>It's a day that I'm glad I survived

A wealthy woman's day was governed by etiquette rules that encumbered her with up to six wardrobe changes a day and the needs varied over three seasons a year. A lady changed through a wide range of clothing as occasion dictated.

A wealthy woman's day was governed by etiquette rules that encumbered her with up to six wardrobe changes a day and the needs varied over three seasons a year. A lady changed through a wide range of clothing as occasion dictated.

Fashion history and photographic records clearly illustrate there was morning and mourning dress, walking dress, town dress, visiting dress, receiving visitors dress, travelling dress, shooting dress, golf dress, seaside dress, races dress, concert dress, opera dress, dinner and ball dress.

http (COLON) (SLASH) (SLASH) fashion (DASH) era (DOT) com (SLASH) a (UNDERSCORE) womans (UNDERSCORE) place (DOT) htm

I have to get a root canal and 4 fillings and get a tooth capped. Afterwards I need a deep cleaning and then I need to have three wisdom teeth removed. I'll be pretty sleepy and out of things for a while but I'm working on as much of the story as I can while I'm still able! I just started antibiotics the other day! Wish me luck!


	5. Chapter 5

Hope you enjoy this chapter, thank you all for the beautiful reviews and feedback you've given me. Song lyrics in this chapter should show up in _italics_. I've been having trouble with the formatting for a few of these sites, so I'm hoping it works well. If not, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. And I'm also sorry for the long wait! 

I do not own the lyrics, they belong to The Fray.

How to Save a Life.

_Step one you say we need to talk_

Sebastian stared down at the boy as he sat in bed. His elegant, huge… empty bed. Ciel was so small, so frail. He was swallowed whole by his numerous… countless… endless… blankets. His blue eyes stared back up at the butler and, for once, just for a second, Sebastian second guessed himself.

It was small and fleeting, but it was there. A chink in his armor. A stain on his pride. A tare in his web. The butler went back to his cart and adjusted the tea set as he was ought to do. There was nothing but silence. He had given his morning speech and Ciel had chosen to remain quiet up until now.

"I'd like to spend the day in my study." He was always going there anymore.

With nothing else better to do, the boy spent hours and hours and hours reading and taking in as much information as he could. He'd read the paper, and then go through old books he found in the library. And when he was finished with those, he would go into the family archives and read up on the past.

"As you wish" Sebastian couldn't concentrate.

He wasn't lost. He hadn't gone astray. Oh no. Not now. Not ever. He was a master of deception. King of all that was _un_holy. He would never ever have feelings for a small boy. Never for his master. Never for some _human_ _child._

But there it was. An unraveled thread. Rust on his sword. Mud on his shoes. A smear on his character. It nagged at him. Tore at his core. It would have tainted his soul if he had one.

"Sebastian?" Ciel stared at his butler.

It was so uncharacteristic of him. The way his eyes glazed over and he looked as though he was lost in another world. It was so sudden! He had just been about to push the cart over when he just… just… stopped. Stood right where he was and disappeared for a while.

Hearing his masters voice brought him back to reality.

"My apologies, I must have something on my mind." Ciel turned his head upward in a haughty manner. He was cocky. Arrogant. All of the above.

"Yes… well… see to it that it doesn't interrupt your duties. As a butler of Phantomhive, you shouldn't be so careless about such things." It seemed that the boy was beginning to return to his old self.

"Of course, my lord. I'll begin by instructing the other servants on what chores need to be done for the day."

"Nn." He made no real response.

And with that, Sebastian was gone. Ciel knew he hadn't forgotten to dress him for the day. He knew… he knew the butler wasn't that dense and would have assumed, from the other night, that the boy wanted to be more independent. Regardless of if he could dress himself perfect or not, he would do it on his own. And if the butler wanted to correct his tie or fix the buttons on his shoes… that would be fine.

The demon _slowly_ stepped into the kitchen. No, not because he was afraid, but because he had lost himself again. Lost in the endless sea that was Ciel. Drowning in his own thoughts. Choking on his desires.

"Disgusting" Sebastian almost spat out.

He cleaned his cart and searched around the kitchen for what he would need for Ciels afternoon tea. Not that he would need it any time soon but because he always liked to be prepared.

The butler knew he would not be good conversation this morning. Not that he ever made much conversation with the other servants if he didn't have to, but… but… today was different. He didn't want to see anyone or hear anyone. He didn't want to smell their sweat or clean their messes or correct their grammar.

Nothing. None of it. Absolutely not. But he had to. It was his job.

Ciel snapped his shoe buttons into place and made his way to the door of his bedroom. Finally he had finished dressing. Finally he could get to his study. Finally he could be alone to think.

The boy walked the long distance to one of his favourite rooms. This time it didn't seem as though time was skipping. He wasn't losing track anymore. He could see the sun for what it was and didn't regret that it had risen. Ciel thumbed his ring and turned a corner. The carpet almost silenced his footsteps and he idly glanced at a painting on the wall. Nothing was out of place. Everything was where it was supposed to be. Everything was going well. Everything was going to be okay.

Sure he liked Sebastian. Sure he could be sullen once in a while. Sure he was known to throw a fit and pout like a child. But today was going great. Today is the day that would help him feel better. And it would make sure that tomorrow didn't change him, either.

He placed his hand on the knob and turned it. The door creaked and he took a step inside only to see his butler standing in the center of the room.

The butler had had a long time to think about what was going on. Long enough anyway. This was it. He had decided. There was no going back now.

"Young master… I believe we should have some words."

The boy narrowed his eyes at the man. His day was going oh so well. Why would Sebastian possibly want to ruin him now of all days?

_He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

"What sort of words, Sebastian?" The child stood at the door, knob still clutched in hand.

"Please, take your seat." The butler tilted his white gloved hand towards the large chair.

"I will take it when I see fit." Ciel closed the door and stood where he was.

"If I may… there is no reason to be so apprehensive."

"Just be out with what you want to say. Clearly it is important as you saw it urgent enough to interrupt me in my study before I even was able to sit."

Sebastian smiled and bowed at his lord.

"Hm. Right then."

_He smiles politely back at you_

To say that Ciel returned the butlers smile would be a total lie. Not even a smirk grazed his lips. He just stood there and waited. Waited for his butler to continue. But he didn't. Not yet. Seconds seemed like decades and he hated it.

_You stare politely right on through  
>Some sort of window to your right<em>

Sebastian glanced towards the window. Sunlight. The same sunlight that, earlier, The Earl was more than happy to see in his house was now a burden. A stain on their moods.

_As he goes left and you stay right  
>Between the lines of fear and blame<em>

Ciel made a wide semi-circle around his butler and walked to his chair. He could feel the velvet beneath his child fingertips. Goosebumps tickled his skin as he felt the heavy musk of the emotions in the air. He was so nervous. So… so… sad. Surly this couldn't be what he thought it was. He had no idea. No idea what was going on. Why Sebastian would talk to him like this. It was so… so… odd. So… inappropriate. He was almost angry. Almost miserable. Almost cracked.

_You begin to wonder why you came_

The butler could feel it. Feel Ciels emotions running down his back. And for the second time that day he felt… maybe… possibly… regret. Not that he was willing to admit it freely but… but… it was there. And there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing… but _this_. He would do it. But it wouldn't be easy.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
>Somewhere along in the bitterness<em>

He didn't know when the tables had turned or why, but he knew it could not go on. It wasn't as if he was madly in love with the boy. No. Hardly. But these strange… electrifying… feelings were not meant for him. He hated them and he could already recognize what was going on in the back of his mind. Deep in his subconscious. It was there. Growing like mold. Leeching off of him. Spreading. Rooting inside of him like a weed.

When had he lost his hold over the boy and let the boy grab a hold of his coat tails? It had happened in the blink of an eye, too. Just something he did. The way he was sitting in bed. The way his eye lids drooped when he yawned. The way he stretched his arms up way over his head in the morning.

What had he done? When had this happened? When? When? They were no longer partners. He was no longer the master. The gatekeeper. He was being lead along by this little boy and he didn't even know it. But this would not go on for long. Oh no. No.

No. 

No.

This was horrible. A tragedy! Catastrophe! Oh woe was Sebastian! He was trapped. Ot quite like how he would hold Ciel. He would not allow himself to fall into misery. To shut himself off from the rest of the world. No. He was a grown demon! A master to the tee! And he would never ever let anything like this hold him down.

But still… it lingered. Still… it made his stomach churn. And he could feel that weight at the base of his spine. The way it sent chills up his heart and down his arms. This was. This was. This was guilt. And he couldn't help it. He felt as though he had broken his toy. Chewed it one too many times. Ripped the seams. Left it out in the rain. And no amount of sewing could ever mend it together again. But still… but still he had to try.

_And I would have stayed up with you all night  
>Had I known how to save a life<em>

If he knew. If he had known… if he knew what would happen. If he knew he would feel this for the boy, he would have done everything in his power to stop this before it started. And now that he had wormed his way into the demon, he could only feel regret. Sorrow. That green taste in the back of his mouth was there again and he continued to stare out of the window.

He knew he was going to break him. But… if he knew he would feel bad about it… this would be a different story. He could feel tingling in his fingertips. His shoulders were taught and he couldn't find a comfortable spot for his tongue. __

_Let him know that you know best  
>Cause after all you do know best<em>

"Young Master." The boy had taken his seat and crossed his legs.

He was looking at a book on the table. Apparently he refused to look at his butler. Sebastian took Ciels silence as the go ahead.

"I feel it best if we stopped what is going on." The butler remained stoic as he glanced at the boy.

"Excuse me?" This time the boy was staring dead on at his servant.

"We both know what I mean. You are a smart young man and you know exactly what I am talking about." Sebastian was being a little cross with Ciel.

But the boy didn't know. He knew he must have been talking about his feelings for his butler, but not that there was anything going on. Not exactly anyway.

"So what do you suppose is going on?"

Sebastian took a step toward his master and stood at the side of his desk.

"These… feelings you have for me. They are natural. I am a demon and have chosen an attractive physique to aid you in your quest for revenge. And while, instinctively, I enjoy others suffering, this is not right. As of now you may not feel as though I am right in doing this, but it is best."

It is best? It is best? No. Certainly not. Was he telling Ciel that he had to stop loving his demon?

"Are you trying to tell me that I cannot feel for you any longer?" Foreign words passed his lips.

How out of character for the small boy. He felt frail. Unsure of his footing. He was positive he'd slip any minute and tumble to the jagged rocks below. Was he trembling? He wasn't sure. He was numb at the moment. Ciel calves tensed and relaxed as he fought off the clash of feelings pummeling him.

_Try to slip past his defense  
>Without granting innocence<em>

Sebastian stepped closer to the boy and dared to place a hand on his shoulder. His master tensed and relaxed. He half thought that he would receive a hard slap but it did not come. There were no harsh words. No cutting comments. No yelling. No crying. Nothing.

The boy just sat there and had gone back to staring at a book on his desk.

_Lay down a list of what is wrong  
>The things you've told him all along<em>

"Young Master. You know I will always be here for you. Even after you complete your revenge I will swallow your soul and you shall live on inside of me. While your conscience may have passed, you, yourself, will stay with me. You should not fear my intentions. Not now or ever. Feel for me if you wish, but it is foolish to fall for a demon no matter how tempting we may be. It is in your nature to want what you cannot have and, for that, I do not blame you. But I am here because of a contract. You summoned me and we had made a deal. I am yours until you complete your revenge. After that, this will all end. This is how things are. This is it. It is final"

_And pray to God he hears you_

The butler frowned and stared at the boy. Ciels big blue eyes were glazed over. He wasn't lost. No. Hardly. He was just stuck for a while. Exploring his thoughts. Weighing his options. But still… he worried. Wondered about his master. Hoped he had gotten through to the boy.

_And pray to God he hears you  
><em>

Sebastian removed his hand from the child and decided to just stand next to him while he waited for Ciel to collect himself. There were no tears. Just silence. It was horrible. He hated it. But he knew humans needed time. And time was something that Sebastian had a lot of.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
>Somewhere along in the bitterness<br>And I would have stayed up with you all night  
>Had I known how to save a life<br>_

The butler remained by Ciels side. He listened to his breathing. The way the wind swayed the roses in the garden. The way the clock seemed to tick forever. What had he done? He glanced over at the boy. His eyes weren't glazed over anymore. Had he finished collecting his thoughts? Had he made a decision?

"So… you're telling me to just stop?" Sebastian stared at the boy and waited for him to continue.

_As he begins to raise his voice_

"It doesn't work like that, Sebastian. You can't just stop having feelings for someone. You don't just walk into someone's room and tell them to knock it off. How dare you!" Ciel was breathing heavy and his hands were shaking with the force of his emotions.

_You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

Sebastian watched as Ciel looked up at him. There were no tears. There was just anger. Just pure anger and pain. He spoke as soothingly as he could muster.

"I am not saying for you to stop. I am trying to convey that it is foolish. It is so foolish of you, Young Master, to love a demon. I am telling you that you have a choice. You may continue to feel for me or you may choose to stop. I am suggesting the latter."

"You just don't understand. You're nothing but a demon, you don't get it."

_Drive until you lose the road  
>Or break with the ones you've followed<em>

That had hurt him a little more than he was comfortable with but he shrugged it off. Ciel was right. Demons do not love. Not now. Not ever. And that's how it would be. That's how it would always be.

_He will do one of two things  
>He will admit to everything<br>Or he'll say he's just not the same  
>And you'll begin to wonder why you came<em>

"You are right. Demons do not love. You are absolutely right. I apologize for upsetting you earlier. I did not mean to cause you such frustration. It is not befitting of a Phantomhive servant."

Ciel still remained tense. He looked around the room. Anywhere. Hoping. Praying that something would relieve the tension.

"While you are correct, I will admit that I may have overreacted. You're free to go, Sebastian." The boy swished his hand at the man.

"As you wish" And with that, he left the room.

The butler walked down the hall, meaning to go to the kitchen to fetch a cup of tea for his master. He knew the boy would not want to see him but was sure that a hot cup of tea would be good for him. __

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
>Somewhere along in the bitterness<br>And I would have stayed up with you all night  
>Had I known how to save a life<em>

He could hear Ciel sigh in his study and begin to flip through a few pages in his book. Sebastian rubbed the bridge of his nose and walked down the main stairway in the house. It was going to be a very… very… very… long day. __

  
>In the Victorian era, to control insects, many people kept a HEDGEHOG in the basement. It curled up and slept in the day, but roamed around the dark kitchen at night eating cockroaches and other insects.<p>

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